Asleep for 25yrs...

I was having a conversation with a friend the other day and she was telling me about her friend, lets call her Sue, who has a younger brother who is in a coma. That was so sad to me. I could only imagine what was going on in the family's mind. How emotional this would be for me. I have a younger sister and I would be devastated if she were to get hurt and entered into a coma. Oh yea, he was sledding down a hill in his town call "Dead Man's Hill". That name is not even appealing to my inter-adventurer.

However as I thought of this I felt for this family. As she talked about Sue's brother I learned he was 15 when he had his accident. He has been in this state for 25yrs!! Yes you read correctly 25yrs. He has been in this coma so long that his grandmother is gone, his mother, and his sister has not seen him in about 3-5 yrs or more. Their father has moved on and is living with another woman and doesn't visit.

Now my question is this, would you want to live this way? Would you want your family to keep you alive in this state? To live 25yrs in a sleep state not knowing if or when you will ever wake up? Now we must look at this scientifically, if he was to awaken would he be him? Would he have a productive and functional life? Would he really ever be able to run again, walk again, hell even as little as sit up on his own again? Will he be able to speak and say what is on is mind and heart?

Now even if we look at it in a movie type of way it is not appealing. You wake up say, today, and you are now 40yrs. Part of your family is dead and the others act as if you are dead. Now think about this, you went to sleep at 15yrs old, you wake up and you are 40!! How would you react? How do you think you would react? Could you really adjust to the world as it is? The world as we knew it in 1985 is totally different.


I have a lot of questions about this. I wonder how people would handle this if it were their family member. Would you allow them to keep living this way or would just let them go? How long is too long to allow someone to be in this state? Is it cruel to say you think they would be better off dead? Would I want to be held alive this way on a what if question?

Let me know how you feel on this subject. It could happen to any of us.As always...


Love, Peace, and HAPPINESS...

Last Days

Today a woman that lives across from me was killed by a 17 yr old young man. This is not disturbing to me because of the death. It is disturbing because of the way that this poor lady died.

She was sleeping in your bed with the love of her life. She was not out running the streets, drinking or drugging. She was at home resting for the next day work day. She was 46 yrs old and seems to be very loved. As she slept someone else, who was out drinking and doing who knows what, took her life.

This young man was driving on an area that is not even setup to be driven on. It is a small area of fire lanes and used by our service crews. This woman was not near a road, street, or any other driving area. He took it upon himself to drive where he wanted. Not only did he drive into her home, he tried to leave. He was going to run away from the devastation that he has caused while having big fun. His buddy on the other hand, yes there was two stupid people in one vehicle, left his ass. Now if that ain't karma. The other people in the apartment had to hold the driver there until police arrived. What an ass!!!!

I actually said all that to say this.....

You never know when your day has come to meet our maker. So take everyday you have and live it as if it were your last. Make sure that everyone around you knows exactly where they stand. If you love me I want to know, if you hate tell me that too. That way when the time comes for me to go home I will have no unanswered questions. If you know me then you know where you stand with me. If you are unsure hell ask, I don't want you wondering. People take care of your life, you only get one.




Love, Peace, and HAPPINESS

Good or Bad, Right or Wrong

I don't understand. I feel like I am a good person. I believe that the things I say are meant for good. I do understand that I do not say shit the right way all the time, but damn I am 34 yrs old and haven't really changed much, so u would think that the way I talk would be understand by those who have known me for years. When I say things out of frustration 9 times out of 10 its because I have been holding in something for a while. When that happens I agree I do say them all fucked up, but yet again damn I thought you know me and could see through that shit.

I feel like everything I say is wrong. Like I am this mean old ogre. Its times when I feel like I say and do nothing right. Not because I feel like I didn't do it to the best of my ability but because everyone around me seems to hear it different than I do. I, in my mind, hear it as I think it should be. Now grant it I know it may not come out like it was written by Maya Angelo but the content is good.

The point of this is I think, HELL, I know I am a good person. Maybe I hold things in too long and don't communicate the best. I can say things all fucked up but am I the only one? Am I the only one having a conversation? Was everything you said to me in the best format? When I begin to say things I try to think them out in my mind first. Which can be good and bad. Bad because I have usually thought myself through it or out of it. Good because I get to hear the nonsense I think.

Part of my problem is that I am a realist. I see shit for how it is and how it could be. I don't look at just what good could happen I also see the bad. I am the person who believes that you should plan for the worse and hope for the best. I will not set myself up for failure by not thinking that something has bad in it. If something has the potential to have a bad side I feel that I should be aware of that and that the people I love should too. Now that sometimes comes off as being negative, I don't see it that way. I see it as having your eyes open.

I don't know how to get people to understand me. I am a very open person and I explain this to the ones I care about yet it still seems to come out all fucked up. My next thought is to just SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!

I just don't know..



Love, Peace, and HAPPINESS

What's In It For Me

My problem is I don't see the good in anything. When I look at something say ummmm a gift, I see the question why? Why did they get this for me? When are they gonna ask me for something? I can never just look at something and see it for good. If something happens that is out of the "norm" I tend to start to create my own conclusion in my head. The next problem with this is I don't ask the questions necessary to acquire the information needed to really understand what is going on.

I hate that I am this way and really want to change it because it is a very miserable feeling. It seems to me that it is more of a distrust than anything. It seems that I don't truly trust the people in my world, take that back in the world. I tend to believe that all people have a hidden agenda. That in the end no one really does anything just to do it. Just because simply it is the right thing to do. I wonder how many of you actually do good things for people out of true love, desire, and just the pure goodness of your heart. I question myself, Alpha, do you do the things you do out of the pure goodness of your heart?

Now don't get me wrong I don't believe everything we do is for an alter motive however I do feel that everything we do is done for a reason. Even if it is as simple as I hope to go to heaven. To me to do something for someone without expecting something means to just to it, no thought of what you will gain or accomplish. Without hope of a reward. Without wondering what others think of you for doing it. I myself can't say that I do. I hope people think I did a good thing. I pray it gets me a step closer to the pearly gates. The knowledge that I have obtained in technology I hope renders me financial gain.

The question now is... Is it wrong to do these things out of hope of reward? Should you do them wanting something, big or small? Worldly or spiritually? Good or bad? Well for me I believe when I do something for someone with the hope of harmful gain I feel that is wrong. I believe it is only human to want to benefit from certain deeds. I do not believe you should gain pleasure from someone else's pain.

So with that I would like to say thank you for reading this. If this is your 1st time welcome. If you have returned welcome back. And as always...


Love, Peace, and Happiness...

True Beginning...

I know I said I would I post something every night, but honestly I think I was going too fast. I just admitted that I am very indecisive and have a problem with worrying about how my words will come across. I say all that, honestly mind you, then turn around and tell that bald face lie. Will people I apologize. Honestly I will post as it comes to me. I will however pray that I work on these issues and use this forum as a venting spot to help.

Well, I want to continue the stories that I started in "My 1st Blog" but I don't know if I should. I don't know if anyone was interested, or was it too much too fast. Hell was it not enough. I want to tell you all how I got to be the person I am today. The person who has seen way too much for her age. The person that loves and wants to be loved. I want to tell you all about the 1st time I got drunk and went home that way. That was funny as hell. The time I saw one of my best friends take their life. I have seen a lot and it has truly defined the person I am today..

Y'all know what?!? Fuck it... I am going to share them even if no one reads em.
HMMMMMM where will I start?!? Or do I continue?!? Well, just keep watching my tweets and I'll make sure to post.


LOL, I am gonna try for 10/17/10... expect a good story.

I have something to say

I wrote that first blog and published it 10 months later. I was very unsure if I should. I am a very indecisive person and have a hard time putting myself out there. However for the last few days all I can think about is blogging. I keep having a repetitive feeling of venting. I thought of everyone that I could have called but no one jumped out. I want to tell everyone and no one. I want to get it off my chest and let it go but I don't want to have to explain. I am so heavy with words that I fear if I begin to release them I won't stop. That I would just start start spilling words out and what I was trying to say would be lost in a sea of words with no meaning.

I have a lot to say and sometimes it just flows out with no real end. I have opinions that a only my feelings but I think people may want to hear. However I write them and never publish them. Afraid of what will be thought of me. Yet I don't care what you say to my face I have never understood that. As I ramble on and on I pray that some of it is understood that I some how get the attention of someone who will understand and read thru the floods of info that I am trying to share.

With that I will let you all know that I am promising a new blog nightly. Work with me friends I promise it will all be worth it.

Love, peace, and above all HAPPINESS....